About the author Inci Y.
under the pseudonym Inci Y. a Turkish woman breaks the silence and told representing hundreds of thousands of Turkish women in her life: as a girl imprisoned, humiliated as a woman, beaten and raped. Speaks not of love. Some their husbands, others suffer silently deceiving. In Anatolia, just as in the land of promise, in Germany.
Inci Y. was born in 1970 as a child of Turkish guest workers in Germany. She spent her childhood with her grandmother in Ankara, with eleven years she returned to Germany. At sixteen she was forced into marriage and ten years later divorced. After another forced marriage, she now lives as an unskilled worker with her children in a small German town.
The Story:
This book tells the life of a young Turkish woman who is born in Germany but grew up in Turkey with her grandmother. In Age of 11 get their parents back to Germany. At 15, she falls in love with a 20-year-old Turkish young man (Hüseyin) and is happy when the two are engaged by the parents. Unfortunately, everything is different. And so the engagement is dissolved.
then engaged her mother with the 21-year-old son of her lover. The threaded nut this marriage, so they will not draw suspicion, can always visit her lover, for he is indeed now a relative of hers. Sun marries Inci Hikmet the Anatolian farmer's son, who always smells after the cowshed and raped her before the wedding night. He leaves no opportunity to humiliate them. After the wedding followed by 10 years during which it has the feeling of being locked up in their own home. It may not be alone in the house and is hit again and again brutal.
you live at times in very great poverty, as her husband loses his job, so they do not even know how they will feed their two children. There is so much that they can be divorced from him. Several times her husband tried to kidnap the children, for which Inci custody. However, it is found without a degree for them to not just a well paid job. They must in turn go a rocky road to get to their destination.
From the book: " choking on your lies " by Inci Y. (Used from 1,50 €)
The Clique (Inci about 13 years old.)
in my class are 10 Turkish women formed a clique that holds iron. I belong to. We talk about our loved ones. About our problems, write poetry. Almost all are, as I beat them at home. Groundless regularly. "This can not continue, we must change our lives," we decide.
First, we begin to annoy the teacher put them in chalk on the chair, lock ourselves in the classroom, the key thrown into the yard. We pull out all of our textbooks page with the material for the next hour out so the classes are canceled - Joke that have nothing to do with our real problems.
coming this loutish parents to our ears, they beat us black and blue. But they beat us not only, therefore, the least reason is reason enough for them. We gradually from dull. Three times daily beatings heard in our life, like eating three times a day. Once again we are talking about in the clique.
"Inci, as you see the like? You're all blue in the face. "
" The stupid cow I was caught smoking in the toilet. "The" stupid cow " Mother, has slammed as long and kicked until I was lying motionless on the ground and had bruises under her eyes.
"My mother kicked me yesterday with his feet." Was made almost all the (Turkish) classmates are similar. We laugh, forget the pain.
mother has now lost all authority over me. You can ban me what she wants, it does not interest me. If spanking is everyday, no matter whether you obey or not, why should there still obey?
No teacher is aware of the visible traces of our abuse. No one cares, why we with blue-rimmed eyes in the class . Sit We are on the verge, disconnected from mainstream schools are meaningless without rights - and lost.
Now I am become the morals of the Turks, a very naughty girl. I will also beautiful every day. More and more boys are interested in me. I'm in, pay them back their ambitions. I answer everyone who asks me, go with any "secret" of whether mother gets out there or not. I roll my many boys his head, hide myself behind a bush with them.
But I would leave no closer to me, even though they all try. I'm engaged, my dear Hüseyin (which they later but not allowed to marry). Not one can touch me. I play with them as a young cat with the mouse.
One is for us absolutely taboo: sex. Of course, we learn of Turkish girls who have sex with boys. It also makes us curious, but it is beyond our imagination. We have "intact for marriage" remain.
German girl tell us about their fear of getting an apprenticeship, so to learn any profession, and later to get a job.
We hope for the right man, he is in good standing, from a distinguished family are in a profession are, in which he made a lot of money. If not, you're unlucky. "Just imagine, I will marry"
says Yasemin one morning all excited. It is the first from our clique that these need to go from their parents arranged step.
The future marriage of the three-year-olds is an example of Turkish customs History: Her mother is unfaithful. The Bräutigan is the son of her lover. Yasemin will speak to the dowry, for a bonus of an extra-marital love relationship. She wants to marry a sixteen year old boys did not, her mother forces her to do so.
"Too bad the good times are over for you, we comment on the process. Nevertheless, we are happy and boisterous, laughing as always. Yasemin too. It is just the be the first, now it is also with us so far. The fact that we marry, we are well prepared. What that means in fact, tells us no. For us it is the great adventure, our future. We remain seated rather be afraid to get a good husband.
, hundreds of guests to Yasemin Turkish wedding. We, too, from the clique are all invited. Breathless silence, when the couple retires .. Thunderous applause as the family then presents the proof of Yasemin's innocence on the previously crisp white bed sheet. If the woman that (evidence) guilty, the family would have the groom, the bride returned to their parents, the wedding had been canceled. The parents of the bride have in such a case, assume the entire cost of the wedding ceremony.
intruder is shown us why we are reminded again and again, our virginity to the achten.und certainly not only in terms of dealing with boys.
"Take care that you do not damage anything heavy contract." In sport, playing, in everyday life, we always be held back. The hymns (the hymen) is practically the only capital of Turkish girls.
visited us Yasemin weeks later in the school.
"He's so bad, so primitive, so disgusting, I can not stand him, hate him indefinitely." The euphoria is gone, has returned to the Turkish married life.
"tough." We shrug our shoulders, hoping for a better fate.
Ali and Leyla
This is the classic "normal marriage" among conservative Turks: In the ideal case, the bride is not older than fifteen. The age of the groom however, plays no major role. It has to preserve it for him. But he pays a price: He must eat his life, there is in a stand-alone, independent living, "his" Woman is not prepared.
course, there are open-minded Turkish families where it's like "European". There is also the romantic abduction and subsequent wedding. These rare exceptions occur. We have all heard of it. But no girl in our gang to such a situation knows personally.
Mien brother Ali and Leyla are an exception. In any case, I help with powerful that it works out between them.
"Ali, I met a very sweet girl. She is really pretty. Blonde, slim and not too large. But she has a great figure. Want to make it even? "I have noticed that my brother has problems, does not dare to approach women. I want to help him.
"heißtsie How?"
Leyla
"How old is she?" Is
"Twenty."
Ali twenty-three. He is a handsome man, a six feet tall, slim, athletic, strong light brown hair, black eyes. Actually, the time of the two has expired. According to our traditional ideas, they should have been married.
„Wie willst du das machen?“ Er druckste herum.
I must be careful that I did not violate his honor, or he retreats into his shell.
"Leave it to me when you want it."
He will.
almost daily from now on I telephone with Leyla, I often meet with her. Once Ali is purely accidental of course. Between the two, it transmits immediately, you can feel the tension crackle heard it formally. They love each other really well and marry quickly. Your bed sheets after the wedding night goes to no one. Run the only happy marriage that I have ever experienced in Turkey.
war of nerves - Inci must prove that she is a virgin
mother exerts a strong time pressure. She scolds me whore me off for no reason. I wonder tell me why. They probably can not stand that I will marry the man I love (Hüseyin). Perhaps she is jealous because she was not so lucky. I am looking for an apology, explanation. (Inci is now about 15 years old.)
One afternoon I sit in my room, the door is open. I can hear mother Hatice aunt talking in the kitchen, but can not understand. They speak Kurdish. Mother's voice sounds very excited. I fear the worst.
"You're right, we must look," I hear mother suddenly say in Turkish. It comes with Hatice aunt to me room.
"Did what you done with Hüseyin, with other guys? Did you sleep with one of them? "Her voice sounds shrill.
"What makes you think, how can you think such a thing from me?"
"What am I to think the other of you? You lie, yes, if you open your mouth "
I hear it in her voice. Now comes something brutal.
"Lie on the floor, Aunt Hatice will see if you're still a virgin."
If I say no now, they will believe I was not there anymore. They put me in the hand.
I push the rock to the hip, take off the panties, lay down on the floor, close my eyes and legs apart.
(The mother, who here puts so much emphasis on the innocence of their daughter's, himself a stranger and always cheating on her husband knows it Inci.)
The aunt kneeling. I feel her fingers. I get sick, more rage than shame. Finally, she gets up and goes into the kitchen. back. Mother follows her. They appreciate not look at me, speechless. Let me just be thrown away as contemptible. I'm air for them.
Disaster
Ih think of this state for two months. One break in the morning I passed out at school together. The ambulance comes, he can not tell what I lack. In the hospital it gets out none. I stay there three days.
On the last afternoon I visited the son of our neighbors. We sit in the smoking room. At that moment Huseyin's father (the father of her roughly 21-year-old fiance Hüseyin) in the room to bring me flowers. He looks at me with the boys, as we laugh and smoke. He turns on his heel and left the hospital. I have not noticed him, only later learn of his visit.
He immediately brings to my parents back the presents and explains our engagement to resolve: "We are a respectable family and are very attentive to our name.". (Hüseyin Inci loved above all else and to marry him.)
Hüseyin it has nothing to say. His parents simply decide that they want me not to have.
yet amselben evening calls me Papa. After he has told me everything that breaks down the world for me. In the early evening I met Mehmet, a Turkish boy, who is also patient on my ward. He tried to console me: "Have you eaten today?"
I shake my head.
"Then let's get pizza."
We sit in the living room and eat our pizza. From there I can see the car park outside the hospital. Suddenly I discover Huseyin Car, I recognize it immediately in the great eagle on the hood and the car of his father. They stand side by side. Then I see in the dark, the two men. They argue violently gesticulating wildly. I can not stand that I do not understand. I am reminded of the scene like a pantomime game. turns after a while the father abruptly, gets into his car, slams the door and sped off at full throttle.
"Do not worry. Come on, eat on your pizza, "Mehmet tries to distract me.
rise from Huseyin car now has four rocker in black leather: German. I know what they want, they can see in my mind's eye, as they all floors comb through for me. In a panic I'm running down the stairs to the basement. I hide behind a car wash. Two hours I sat there trembling before I trust myself again to the top.
"What happened?" Asks the doctor. He called me into his room. I tell him. He listens patiently, give me an injection. I can sleep through the night. The next day I will go home.
"What the theater?" My mother greets me and beats me for the first time through. I feel nothing. Everything, absolutely everything I do not care.
Nobody has me on the public Hifen that one in Germany in such cases can claim, explained. The teachers do not. That this example is a young office where you can find help, that women's shelters exist that provide protection in such situations. I know no other way out and wants nothing more than to run away. I want to do with all that have nothing. But where should I go? In the forest?
From the book: " choking on your lies " by Inci Y. (Used from 1,50 €)
counseling center for girls and young women in Hesse
Here you find many addresses and phone numbers. Even for Turkish girls and women. If you do not live in Hessen, inquire there, where to get help. If you have no money to make phone calls, then asks if they can recall.
offer of help for Turkish women with suicidal thoughts
The crisis hotline can be reached on 01805 22 77 07 to Monday through Friday from 9 to 16 clock. The call is a local call, advising on the phone for free. More information is also available online at:
www.beende-your-schweigen.de - or - www.suskunlugunasonver.de
help for Turkish women in Berlin in violence and abuse
first Intercultural Women's Shelter: Phone 030 80 10 80 50
second Turkish Women's Association: Jahnstr. 3, phone 692 39 56
third Hatun and Can Association: Contact: info@hatunundcan-ev.com
4th SUSI Intercultural Women's Center: Linienstr. 138, tel 441 50 90
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